Monkeying around

Well, well, well. Apparently it was quite a sight th’other day down in DC for the annual Gridiron Club dinner: Our very own guv (currently the DC press corps’ fave GOPer) dressed in a monkey suit and delivering one-liners as fast as you can say “Henny Youngman.”

And he did have a few zingers. Enough of ‘em, in fact, that 24 hours after word came out about his biggest — that the ex-prez is “f—ing crazy” — Guv Chris was backing down, telling WGIR’s Chris Ryan, “It’s all a joke. I don’t think he’s crazy.”

Whatever … but let’s just say that Doc Freud posited that jokes “satisfy our unconscious desires.”

So we’ll leave it for enquiring minds to figure out what the guv’s message was, but the highlights are pretty good.

He opened up with a classic standup bit, setting up his quotable quote by riffing on the ex-prez, “probably going to be the next president,” pointing out the ex’s “experience,” “passion” and “sense of integrity,” not to mention the “rationale” of his tweets.

After a nicely timed pause, the guv then hammered home: “Nah, I’m just kidding!

He’s f—ing crazy! Are you kidding? Come on! You guys are buying that? I love it … He just stresses me out so much!” Then, he added, perhaps as a joke (but deniability is a reality in DC, ain’t it?): “I’m going to deny I ever said it.”

Another of his Trump bit included: “The press often will ask me if I think Donald Trump is crazy. And I’ll say it this way: I don’t think he’s so crazy that you could put him in a mental institution. But I think if he were in one, he ain’t getting out!” Not a bad joke, actually. But the guv had a bunch of others.

• On Ginny Thomas, the Supreme Court justice’s wife: “We know she may be extreme, but let’s face it: When it comes to texting, she’s no Anthony Weiner. And you guys thought we forgot about that freakshow.”

• On Ted Cruz and his visit to the “people’s convoy” (remember that?): “Nobody really knows why they were in Washington in the first place, which pretty much describes Ted himself, right? … What is with Ted? You see that beard? He looks like Mel Gibson after a DUI or something.”

• On Mike “MyPillow” Lindell: “This guy’s head is stuffed with more crap than his pillows. And by the way, I was told not to say this, but I will: His stuff is crap. I mean, it’s absolute crap. You only find that kind of stuff in the Trump Hotel.”

Let’s put it this way, if the guv was just jokin’ with the press corps, he did a pretty good job, didn’t he?

And, fortunately for him, he didn’t do any Jada Pinkett Smith jokes.

“I’ve got to say that Governor Sununu’s eloquent profanity is the kind of insurrection the GOP needs today.”

— Dem Rep. Jamie Raskin of Maryland, who followed up the guv’s routine at the Gridiron dinner.

“I think the governor’s a joke.”

— GOP Rep. and Trump pal Al Baldasaro of Londonderry after hearing about the guv’s Gridiron bit.

Trump’s humorectomy

One other thought about the guv’s Gridiron grilling. He said after the jokes leaked out that it “was just a joke.”

The problem is that the guy he was “just” joking about can’t take a joke. Never could. Never will. So good luck with that.

Double-dipping

There’s good news for all those folks looking for signs of voter fraud in NH. They may have found one of the culprits. And it’s nunuther than Matt Mowers, the ex-prez’s pick in the 2020 1st CD race who’s taking another shot at the seat again.

MM, the AP reported, voted twice during the 2016 primary election season — once in NH and another time in Jersey.

First, the AP said, he voted in the NH primary, where he was apparently domiciling as director of the Christie campaign. Then four months later, MM cast another vote in the Jersey prez primary, perhaps figuring he could get a do-over after CC’s prez bid went the way of any recent NY Jets season.

If this is true, MM may make it into the hall of fame for politicos who say one thing and do the other. Consider his campaign website’s verbiage on “Election Integrity”:

• “Nothing is more important or sacred than each American’s right to vote. To protect that right, we need to ensure that elections are secure, and the integrity of our electoral systems is strong. Just like President Trump, Matt supports establishing effective voter ID laws, regular audits of elections to verify vote totals and provide every American citizen with the certainty that their vote counts.”

• “The best legislation to secure our elections will come from Republicans at the state level. Matt supports Governor Sununu and the New Hampshire legislature’s efforts to improve our own voting laws so that only legal residents of New Hampshire are entitled to vote, and voter ID is required.”

MAKING THE ROUNDS

So if Maggie Hassan’s call for a national gas tax moratorium is a “gimmick,” according to the guv, then what’s Jeb Bradley’s proposal to establish one in NH?

If you’re wondering who wrote the guv’s Gridiron routine, it’s safe to say it wasn’t Corey Lewandowski.

BTW, if it was the guv’s goal to get the attention of the Trump base, he succeeded.

Did anyone want Tom Brady to un-retire more than the NH Lottery? After all, they reported that, seemingly moments after TB12 announced his return to the NFL, there was a jump of over 1,000% total bets made and a 2,900% increase in total dollars bet on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to win the NFL championship next season. So much for the Pats.

One more BTW: About the same time the Lottery couldn’t hide its excitement about the betting bonanza, the guv was busy declaring March as Problem Gambling Awareness Month. Just sayin’.