Self-awareness increases well-being and sustains relationships

On Jan. 1, I was blessed to be on NH’s Mount Moosilauke for my 29th New Year’s Day, a personal tradition going back to 1988 (although I missed a few years when I worked overseas). I summited 25 of those 29 years and always advise people of the need to turn around when the situation warrants it — like I did near the top during extreme weather in 2008 and 2018. (Two other years, I had prior medical issues, so I only made token efforts low on the mountain, connecting with friends who make the climb.)

I am getting older and wonder how many good years I have left.

In the days and hours before the climb, I was feeling anxious with self-doubt that I might be “pushing too hard.” These feelings impacted New Year’s Eve sleep and carried into the lower part of the Glencliff Trail ascent. But, setting a steady pace on familiar terrain, a sense of satisfaction and confidence emerged. Reaching the high saddle between the South Peak and main summit, feelings of joy took over as I encountered old friends who enjoy this tradition.

Excitement and anticipation followed as I headed up the glorious final ridge. Emerging at the tree line just before the summit, I witnessed some of the most amazing summit weather and scenery ever — the peak was in bright sunshine, sticking up above a complete cloud bank to the south and west. It was maybe 15 degrees Fahrenheit with a 10-mph wind, which is incredibly mild on a White Mountain summit in winter.

The initial descent along the ridge and up the smaller South Peak was joyful and satisfying, too, but then came the long descent. Fatigue took over and doubt set in. Ah, reality! Finally, the car and a tired ride home in the dark.

Reflecting on the day, I am very grateful and reminded of the rollercoaster of emotions we all face in life. There are usually not so many variations in a single day, but sometimes, of course, there are.

A key to managing emotions is recognizing them when they appear and stepping back to understand where they might be coming from. I have found this second part to have a positive impact on my sense of well-being, dampening the impact of negative feelings.

Another key is awareness of how we impact others when we are experiencing anger, fear or emotional pain. When I led a staff team, I closed the door and isolated in my office on my sour mood days.

It is one thing to have a bad day, but better not to compound the problem by infecting others! Effective leaders invest time to understand how their behaviors impact others.

These steps are critical to maintaining a sense of balance, self-care and self-control. When we are down, it is easy to get stuck in a kind of tunnel vision where we can’t see beyond the negatives. But stepping back to refocus our energy in ways that might not be apparent at first glance can make a big difference in life and work. It is so important to avoid acting in ways that undermine relationships with family, friends and work colleagues.

I am not advocating to avoid emotions or sweep them under the rug, especially when they are reoccurring or persistent. I recommend therapy or talking through issues with trusted friends.

I recall a winter mountain adventure some 40 years ago when the joy of completing a solo ice climb on Mount Washington was quickly transformed into intense fear as I happened upon a dead man and his severely injured companion. Fortunately, I was able to overcome doubt and refocus my energy to help save the injured man. This is a bit of an extreme example, but how we recognize emotions and adapt to situations can greatly impact the lives of ourselves and others.

How are you doing at managing emotions in daily life? Do you feel like you have a handle on identifying them when they occur and finding ways to understand what may have caused them? Do negative emotions impact your relationships with others? What might you do to up your managing emotions game?

We each have an opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!

Douglass P. Teschner, founder of Growing Leadership LLC, can be reached at dteschner@Growing-LeadershipLLC.com.