The first step is to learn to slow down and lean in to what works

Starting and running a business often includes long days, weekends and a mind occupied with challenges to solve and opportunities to grab. So when you finally “retire,” what do you do? I mean, what do you do all day? Read a book a day? Try new recipes and gain 20 pounds? Volunteer with whoever sends up a flag? I haven’t figured this out yet, but I’ll put my old entrepreneurial hat on and find a solution.

Years ago, I left a job and decided to look for another job when I got back from a two-week vacation, which also gave me a window of open time when we returned. Worried that I wouldn’t get everything done that I wanted to in my time off, I kept a list in my top right-hand drawer at work with things I wanted to do: expand the garden, paint the spare bedroom, organize the clutter in the basement. It was reassuring to open the drawer and see the list.

I was done by Tuesday. This feels different. There’s no deadline, just a mostly open calendar that I don’t know how to fill. I don’t even have a list in my top right-hand drawer, which is disconcerting in itself. I am a classic entrepreneur; deadlines, busy calendars and lists of action items are my comfort zone. I have the opportunity to continue working as much or as little as I want, so when I’m presented with the chance to accomplish something, I take it.

Of course, the old phrase, “You can’t expect different results if you keep doing the same thing” applies here, and I recognize that I can’t keep doing the same thing. First step: Stop taking opportunities to work. Terrifying.

Like many retirees, we always imagined that travel would be an important part of our post-working days. Vacations as a business owner were designed in part to sustain me until I could get away again. We often traveled to places that made it difficult for us to be reached by work. When I imagine traveling in retirement, those same experiences don’t feel right, so we just haven’t. I assumed it was because Covid and a terminally ill dog kept us mostly home, so I might as well work, right?

What happens, though, when those deterrents are no longer here? I tell myself that I need to button things up with work, to practice relaxing and doing “nothing” now so that when I am ready to travel, I am 100 percent ready with no barriers. That’s easier said than done when the entrepreneur in me whispers, “Just get a couple more things accomplished and then you can stop.”

It dawned on me that there is a difference between vacation and travel. Tropical vacations full of excursions and beach time don’t feel right now. I need to combine what has worked in the past — learning, history and relaxing — with a new pace, slower, more thoughtful, more relaxed. Instead of vacations, I’m thinking of time away as exploring. The idea of driving to locations rather than flying now sounds intriguing. There no longer needs to be a rush to get there and then to get back home. As the saying goes, the journey can become the destination.

I always imagined that I would volunteer for our local library, and had an idyllic view of all the children I would help develop a love of reading. The library staff seems to be doing a very good job without me, so without that vision to pull me, I feel adrift in the sea of volunteer opportunities. I want to look at my choices, choose wisely and follow that path; it’s worked for me in business and it seems like it should work again. I’m learning that it’s not that simple, so I decided to ask the experts.

As the youngest of five, I am lucky that I have siblings to ask about their volunteerism journey. After all, our values are similar, so what’s important to them is most likely important to me. I hear about their time at the food pantry, their conservation board meetings, and it seems that they made the perfect choices that meet their lifestyles and who they are. Come to find out, they tried all sorts of organizations before finding one that felt right.

They encouraged me to take time and let the right opportunity to eventually show up. Once again, my dear sisters are right.

While I originally thought of my children’s library volunteerism as a failure, I stopped to consider how to still achieve my goal of helping kids learn to love books. I don’t need to be in the library to accomplish the goal; there are other avenues, like joining the nonprofit volunteer organization that supports the library. Reflecting on the experiences I’ve most enjoyed and what I’m good at, working with a small group of dedicated citizens to find new solutions to a challenge sounds exhilarating, and my mind has been racing with ideas. I like having a framework within which I can let my imagination run. It may or may not work out, but I’m excited to see where it may lead. With an open mind, I will at least learn more about what works and what doesn’t work for me.

The phrase “lean in” never resonated with me when it was being widely circulated. It honestly felt like another “to do,” another push to do more, to be better. But now it feels right; I am ready to lean in and learn how to be retired, to do it at my pace, the way I want to do it.

I acknowledge that it’s hard for me to slow down, but I am willing to lean in and figure out what works for me. This sounds a bit like cheating, letting my drive to grow and learn spearhead this next step.

I recognize that I will have days when I will be at my desk at 8 a.m. but know that there will also be days when I’m relaxing on the deck at 8 a.m. with a cup of tea. For now, I can accept that sooner or later, a different pace and no pending action items will feel normal.

Like any entrepreneur, my final take on this is, “I’ve got this. I can do it.”